While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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