it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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