dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
