I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
