How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
