I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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