Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
