The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
