Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
