I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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