FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
only you would photoshop your dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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