I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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