So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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