she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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