He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
