am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
