Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
