Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
