i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
