worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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