If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
