Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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