Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
