im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
