My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
