The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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