Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
