That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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