Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
