just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
