We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
