I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
