Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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