Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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