I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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