yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
