Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
