dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
