I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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