does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
