How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
