i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
