Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
