consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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