STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
