He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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