One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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