Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
