I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
