Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
handjob tips. give me some.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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