Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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