3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
