He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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