New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
