yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
