"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
