there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
