This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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