I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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