If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
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I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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