So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
