I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
