pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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