zippers are such a cool invention
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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