I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
