Just fell off a train. Bad.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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