it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
