I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize