I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
