I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
