Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize