I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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