Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
