ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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