I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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